The iron gates are open on each side of the cemetery.
This all too familiar call.
My heart beats a little faster when I am here.
Perhaps in hope.
Hope of one more memory.
This all too familiar call.
My heart beats a little faster when I am here.
Perhaps in hope.
Hope of one more memory.
One more smile.
One more moment where my life was standing still.
I drive down the same path each time.
My grandmother I never knew on one side.
Precious babies from broken families on the other.
Straight ahead I see the building where Daddy's body was last exposed to the light of this earth.
The smell in that room has never changed.
It takes me back to the day we laid his body to rest.
The faint purple hue of his skin and his lips.
The way they laid his arms across his body so naturally.
My grandmother I never knew on one side.
Precious babies from broken families on the other.
Straight ahead I see the building where Daddy's body was last exposed to the light of this earth.
The smell in that room has never changed.
It takes me back to the day we laid his body to rest.
The faint purple hue of his skin and his lips.
The way they laid his arms across his body so naturally.
As if he were only sleeping.
This is the last image I have of my father.
I park my car where I always do.
I open my door and step out into the ever-present breeze that lingers here.
Looking down I slowly walk up to his plot.
The stone, faded and weathered from the passing seasons throughout the years.
Ninety five seasons to be exact.
Looks as if no one has been here, as if no one remembers.
No matter how dim the stone becomes.
When I look at his name, it is so bright.
Like this is the only stone ever laid in this yard.
STEVEN E.COMPTON
It jumps out and pierces me.
The constant dull ache is awoken.
Becomes more than I can bare.
I quickly contain all that is within.
I've sat on this hill more than a dozen times.
This is the last image I have of my father.
I park my car where I always do.
I open my door and step out into the ever-present breeze that lingers here.
Looking down I slowly walk up to his plot.
The stone, faded and weathered from the passing seasons throughout the years.
Ninety five seasons to be exact.
Looks as if no one has been here, as if no one remembers.
No matter how dim the stone becomes.
When I look at his name, it is so bright.
Like this is the only stone ever laid in this yard.
STEVEN E.COMPTON
It jumps out and pierces me.
The constant dull ache is awoken.
Becomes more than I can bare.
I quickly contain all that is within.
I've sat on this hill more than a dozen times.
In this same way, silenced
Hiding my pain.
Holding back the deep groans from within.
Careful to never shed a tear.
Feeling the crushing weight of my pain.
Hiding my pain.
Holding back the deep groans from within.
Careful to never shed a tear.
Feeling the crushing weight of my pain.
The pain that began so many years ago.
All the things he has missed.
All the smiles he has given up.
All the laughter he has silenced.
The innocence he has stolen.
Wincing, I look away.
I notice the big sturdy trees.
They were just young saplings, as was I the first day I stood on this hill.
My head began to spin...
Watching this beautiful life unfold.
A young girl dancing in a field of daisies
Her lace lined blue dress flowing around her.
Something happened, something changed
There is now this dark presence creeping upon her.
Waiting to suffocate any joy she may encounter.
For years she tried to feel.
Even allowing feelings to become an idol.
Willing to do or say anything.
Just to get a glimpse of what it was like.
It was never real.
She shed a tear.
Then laughed and cried again.
Muscle memory took over.
She choked back what was coming to the surface.
Looking around making sure no one was watching.
I was watching.
I saw something she couldn’t see.
Each tear she shed was slowly lifting the darkness.
Her beauty was shining through the cracks.
Something strange is happening to me.
Something is dripping down my face.
Did it rain? No.
I cried.
I cried because I was sad.
I shed a tear, a real vulnerable tear.
I don't feel sad for this though, I feel joy!
This girl I see dancing around in a field of daisies, it is me.
Out of fear.
Fear and shame.
I hold back my tears.
Causing me to also hold back my joy.
It's keeping me from being vulnerable.
From sharing the deepest parts of myself.
Who God created me to be.
The Lord is redeeming me.
Through one tear.
He is allowing me to feel again.
I am overjoyed.
I know I have many more tears to shed.
This is a process.
Part of my sanctification.
I am thankful He is walking with me through it.
